Oh GOD

Sardar found cigarette in daughter's room "Oh GOD"
She smokes....?
Then found wine: " Oh GOD"
She drinks....?

Then he saw boy "thank GOD ! Yeh sab toh is ladke ka hai !!

Branch Manager

Santa : 
Pappu roz subah subah ped ki daali pe chad ke baith jaata hein?


Banta : 
Kyun?


Santa : 
Bechara MBA karke pagal ho gaya or apne aap ko BRANCH MANAGER samajhta hein.

भाई छोड़ दो नशा

एक चीता सिगरेट का सुट्टा लगाने ही वाला था कि अचानक वहां एक चूहा आ गया।
चूहा बोला : भाई छोड़ दो नशा और आओ मेरे साथ देखो ये जंगल कितना खूबसूरत है।
चीता चूहे के साथ चल दिया।
आगे एक हाथी कोकीन पी रहा था।
चूहा फिर बोला : भाई छोड़ दो नशा, आओ मेरे साथ देखो ये जंगल कितना खूबसूरत है।
हाथी भी साथ चल दिया।
आगे शेर शराब पीने की तैयारी कर रहा था, चूहे ने उसे भी वही कहा।
शेर ने ग्लास साइड में रखकर चूहे को 5-6 थप्पड़ मारे।
हाथी बोला : अरे क्यों मार रहे हो इस बेचारे को?
शेर बोला : इस कमीने ने पिछ्ली बार भी अफीम खाकर मुझे 3 घंटे जंगल में ऐसे ही घुमाया था।

Aaarz kiya hein

pasand hai hume har mehfil me hanste hue jana

taqi koi hamari udasi jaan na sake,
or pasand hai bhari barish me chalna

taqi rote hue koi pehchan na sake!!!

Thanks for the Beer

Banta walks into a bar for a beer and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. He ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back, he found his glass empty and a note saying: 'Thanks for the beer!'

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down, a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay, he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: 'Thanks again, this was as good as the first one.'

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody.

So he spit into the beer and left a note saying: 'Enjoy, I just spit into the beer.'

He then ran outside to see what had happened. When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: 'You enjoy, I spit in it too!'

Mind your language…

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a Frenchman, who found this small genie bottle.

When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you must shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "Wine".

The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "Vodka" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "Beer". He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.

He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "Shit!!!!!!!......".

Facebook Updates

Malkin : Kya hua, tum 3 din kaam pe nahi aayi..?
Kaamwali : Memsaab maine to Facebook pe status update kar diya tha ki "Main gaao ja rahi hu..
"Aapke pati ne comment bhi kiya thaa "
Have a safe trip babes, come home soon, will miss U a lottt.....

घोड़ी का फ़ोन

रामू की पत्नी ने फ्रईपेन उठाकर रामू के सीर पर दे मारा !
रामू : तुमने मुझें क्यूँ मारा !
पत्नी : तुम्हारी डायरी में किसी बसंती का नाम लिखा हैं ! कौन हैं यह बसंती ?
रामू : कल मैंने रचे में जिस घोड़ी पर दाव लगाया था उसका नाम हैं !
पत्नी : ओके, इ ऍम सॉरी !
अगलें दिन रामू के बीवी ने फिर मारा !
रामू : अब क्यों मारा ?
पत्नी : तुम्हारी घोड़ी का फ़ोन आया हैं, जाकर उठा लो !